


Don't leave me behind, I have catching up to do

by Ryujinssidepiece



Category: Multi-Fandom, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Dahyun thinks she might have a bit of gay, F/F, Maybe this is angst?, Sana has many gfs, Sana is nearing 30, it's a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25358074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryujinssidepiece/pseuds/Ryujinssidepiece
Summary: "So... I slept with someone new."When Sana starts dating women, Dahyun starts rethinking certain beliefs, and true love starts to materialise.
Relationships: Kim Dahyun/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 45
Kudos: 184





	1. Thoughts unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybodyy!
> 
> A disclaimer:  
> Saida does not happen off the bat. This is a slightly different direction that I'm taking but it will be worth it in the end. Also they are in their late twenties. This is purely fictional, and just a product of me being all 'wow, what if' in the late hours of the night. This is split into three parts. 
> 
> Okay bye. 
> 
> Enjoy enjoy enjoyyyy.

"So... I slept with someone new."

Often, Dahyun resents the fact that the girls have built up a bond as impenetrable as diamond, because it inevitably comes with the kind of oversharing that makes her grimace. It also comes with confessions of sexual endeavours at (Dahyun checks the time) 1 AM in the morning.

"Sana unnie, it's 1 am." Dahyun mumbles, her grogginess taking precedence over her words. Her devout loyalty to her members means that regardless of the time of day and night, she is readily available to pick up the phone. But, that is in case of emergencies, like the time Nayeon called her at 2 AM crying because she was overwhelmed and worried about the intensity of their new choreography, or the time Chaeyoung called her at the crack of dawn to complain about one of their managers. Dahyun is always here, ready to listen and offer advice and support. But, random calls about _sex_ are simply not on the list of acceptable reasons to interrupt her sleep.

Still, she has a deep sort of soft spot for Sana in particular, so she allows it.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just- I slept with a woman."

Dahyun shoots up in bed, any inkling of fatigue gone in a millisecond.

"You _what?"_

Sana giggles on the other line at Dahyun's evident surprise. It's not like Dahyun is unused to hearing about her friend's... escapades. On the contrary, she has grown accustomed to every member's stories of the men that come in and out of their lives (and bed) but this is something entirely new. She doesn't quite know what to say or do because Sana, well as far as she knew Sana was heterosexual. Sana has dated 3 men since debut. One during her rookie days (Kept expertly hidden from everyone, Sana only confessed it within the last year), one publicly (a bittersweet two years, what with Bogum also being a famous personality) and one sexually (Sana called him her 'male booty call' and it was long lasting and simultaneously uneventful). Dahyun would have even pinned Sana down as being 'boy crazy' at one point, and the thought of her being with a women seems... unfathomable to say the least.

"I knew you'd be like this," Sana is laughing, further clarifying Dahyun's suspicion that she is pulling a weird prank on her. "Remember Lee Junha?"

Dahyun wracks her brain. They meet tons of people during promotions, and sometimes she loses track of individual names. Still, Lee Junha brings her back to a few months ago, when Momo forced both Dahyun and Sana to watch a number of a dance studio's videos on youtube. Dahyun remembers it so vividly because they were based in Itaewon, and she had visited there recently to meet a friend. There was one video in particular, a cover of one of their own songs, all choreographed by none other than Lee Junha. Dahyun remembers getting a certain... vibe from her. She had short jet black hair and piercings, sharp catlike eyes and an intimidating disposition. Still, Sana was obsessed, calling her pretty, beautiful, cool, awesome, urging Momo to show her every video Lee Junha choreographed. Dahyun mistook her interest for creative enthusiasm. 

"What is happening right now? This is really... I can't believe it." Dahyun says, switching on her side light so that she can hear better. It makes sense in her head. Having both senses in touch helped them work better, at least that's what she thought.

"You better believe it. We've been talking for a while on Kakaotalk."

Dahyun rubs her eyes. "Wow, how was it? Do you like women? Wow I have so many questions." 

"Dahyun, I've liked the same sex since I was a child. Literally. I've always thought- if you like someone, you like them because of what's inside, right? So in that case gender isn't an issue. I have to say, women are better. In every regard." Sana explains.

"Good for you." Dahyun says sincerely. She commends anyone who is willing to live in their truth. The initial shock has subsided, now she is just happy for Sana. Still, there's an undercurrent of unease that flows through her, like an afterthought. Years of being in close proximity to Sana has cemented her knowledge of the girl and how she works. Sana is affectionate and flirtatious by nature, but when she really likes someone, she transforms into into a teenager with the literal complexion of a beetroot. Dahyun knows this. And yet, if she applies this same knowledge to some of the people she has seen interact with Sana, she has done this with women before and even now. Dahyun wonders if they were all crushes, or if Sana simply gets intimidated by beautiful people. The latter would make as much sense. 

"Yeah, well. I'm nearing thirty now. I'm too old to be pretending this side of me doesn't exist." Sana nonchalantly explains. "I don't know if Junha is girlfriend material, but we really get on well!"

Girlfriend material. Such odd words to come out of Sana's own mouth. 

"Just... be careful. You know how people are these days... Maybe it's wise not to scream it to everyone." 

There is a brief silence. Dahyun wonders if she has said the wrong thing.

"Obviously. I've been in the business long enough to know what teeters on acceptable for us and what doesn't. I'd never do anything to tarnish what we have built. I guess I was just excited about this but I shouldn't get ahead of myself." And it's Sana's disheartened tone that shoots an arrow of guilt right through Dahyun's heart. She just wanted to be realistic, but often there is no room for reality and pragmatics when it comes to real people and real feelings. Perhaps her approach should have been one with support and acceptance rather than a stern reality check of the rampant disdain towards this sort of thing in their industry. It wasn't that everyone was vehemently homophobic, its just that they have a certain image to maintain, and both Sana and Dahyun know this. 

"No, you should be excited! I'm excited for you! I'm glad your old self is finally getting some action" Dahyun enthusiastically says. 

"Oh please, I could say the same for you. The perfect man isn't just going to fall from the sky, Dahyun. You actually have to put yourself out there, date around."

Dahyun grimaces. She doesn't know how the conversation flipped so rapidly to her love life (or lack thereof), but she isn't happy with the topic change. 

"It's not my fault that I'm... particular." Dahyun defends herself. 

"Picky. You're picky."

"I just want to find someone I can spend the rest of my life with. You know I want to have kids within the next ten years." 

Time is kind to no-one, Dahyun has realised. She wants to pick and choose how she spends it wisely. It's a precious currency. 

Sana sighs long and deep. "I find life planning too restrictive, but I hear what you're saying. I actually wish I'd done more of this, dating when I was younger. I feel like I'm catching up now, you know?"

Dahyun nods. "Yeah, I know."

"I'm going to let you sleep now honey. Dream sweetly."

"You too."

And Sana hangs up, leaving Dahyun staring at her ceiling contemplating if she is doing the whole 'life' thing correctly. 

* * *

Lee Junha and Sana don't end up working out. Sana doesn't say this outright, but Dahyun can tell, because she thinks Sana is dating someone else now, and she thinks this person is an idol.

It's fairly obvious that she is talking to someone. It's fairly obvious when anyone is talking to someone. Smiling and giggling at phones in between schedules is a telltale sign. How does Dahyun know it's a girl? Because when Momo pulls Sana up on it, she doesn't admit who it is straight away, playing coy and saying ' _just my friend_ ' instead. Dahyun knows better. 

Dahyun watches her friend very, very closely at the MC countdown. Sana is all beetroot red and fidgety during one _specific_ girl group's performance, and when they all go on the stage to hear who has won, Dahyun notices that Sana keeps glancing over at them, a nervous smile on her lips. This surprises Dahyun, because after all these years Sana has mastered the act of concealment when one of her beaus is in the vicinity and they're on camera, but evidently that doesn't apply to whomever this new girl is, because Sana is being almost hilariously _blatant_. 

She realises it is Jeon Soyeon when Sana flashes a smile at her in passing, one that is just _different_ from her usual smiles. She is flirting. Dahyun can tell that much. And Soyeon makes a show out of greeting each Twice member, her respectful bow lingering at Sana, and then there is a discreet wink that Dahyun has to check she is seeing correctly before she leaves. 

Needless to say, Dahyun is absolutely gobsmacked. 

Dahyun touches on the subject on their journey home. All nine girls are packed into the van, preventing her from asking the question outright. She has to be more sneaky. 

"Gidle looked elegant today." She says when she catches a quiet moment. 

Sana doesn't say anything, typing away at her phone, but she mumbles a 'mmm' in agreement, as do the other girls. 

"I want to get closer with them. I keep asking Sana to bring me with her when she goes out for drinks with Soyeon unnie but she never does." Chaeyoung whines.

Bingo.

Dahyun watches as Sana tenses up at the sound of her name. 

"Mmm, Soyeon still has such a girl crush style these years later." Dahyun is trying not to laugh as she says this, because Sana has gone absolutely beetroot red and none of the other members have noticed. 

No-one really says anything about the topic after this, but every time Sana catches Dahyun's eye, the younger girl wiggles her eyebrows at her suggestively, and it's childish, but the caught out reaction that it garners from her member is all the worthwhile.   
  


* * *

Dahyun is invited to the next drink session with Sana and Soyeon. She doesn’t know exactly why, but she accepts the invitation, because it’s a Friday night and she’d rather be out than at home catching up on tv.

Yonsanju is buzzing with life tonight, such that Dahyun fears they will get caught out within milliseconds, but Sana takes her to a restaurant bar with a reserved section solely for their entourage. She looks suspiciously good tonight, once she takes off her mask and longline coat. Light, feminine makeup and a fashionable shoulder- cut shirt with jeans. Dahyun feels like a slob beside her, in her jumper and hat. She didn’t think this were a particularly special occasion.

”Why was I invited?” Dahyun groans when the pair settle down. Third wheeling isn't exactly how she expected to spend her evening, but she convinces herself that she is doing this to ensure that Soyeon is a proper fit for her beloved friend. That's what friends are for, right? Dahyun has to screen all potential lovers before they whisk her members away. 

Sana laughs brightly, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “If you didn’t want to come you should have told me! I just thought it would be fun.” 

Dahyun gives her a look, but is interrupted by Soyeon making her presence known. Standing up immediately, Dahyun goes to greet the woman, who is dressed similarly to herself, SnapBack and all. She is taller than Soyeon, by a couple of centimetres. For some reason this puts her at ease. Sana’s eyes go all bright when the woman enters, but she doesn’t move to hug her, or greet her in any way. They just nod at each other like acquaintances, and then Soyeon takes a seat and Dahyun follows.

”How was your journey?” Soyeon asks first. She is very pretty, Dahyun notices. There’s a hardened resolve to her that is not overbearing, but comforting. She can see why Sana likes her.

Dahyun speaks. “It was okay. I was worried at first because you know, friday night, central Seoul, even with masks on people would probably be able to recognise us if we hung around too long. But this place is nice. Discreet.” 

Soyeon nods. “Mmm, yeah. Sana and I come here often.” And she looks at Sana, who has started to go a little red, yet still maintains eye contact. Dahyun waits for someone to say something, but no one does, and she is stuck glancing between Sana and Soyeon like a lunatic.

”Should we order drinks?” Dahyun loudly says. 

Sana turns to look at Dahyun and grins. “Sure. I’ll stick to Soju today, though.”

Three bottles of Soju in, and each girl has loosened up tremendously. Sana is giggling at everything and anything that Dahyun and Soyeon say or do, and Dahyun suddenly finds the table the funniest object in the world. Soyeon is just louder drunk, which makes the entire dynamic more chaotic.

”I’m not stupid you know.” Dahyun laughs as Soyeon and Sana share each other’s bottles. Both girls turn to her and giggle.

”Eh?”

”I know what’s going on.” And Dahyun comically points her two fingers from her eyes to Soyeon’s.

Soyeon’s eyes widen and she laughs loudly, whereas Sana covers her reddened face with her hands. “All of a sudden like this?” She says.

Dahyun nods. “I know this girl better than anyone. I can always tell. Always. Don’t try and fool me.” 

An ‘oooooh’ erupts from the other two girls, and Soyeon holds her hands up, capitulating.

”Am I going to have to compete with you for her affection Dahyun? I bite.” Soyeon jokes.

Before Dahyun's drunken mind can begin to unpack that innuendo, she feels Sana's arms wrapped tightly around her neck, her cheek pressed into Dahyun's. Suddenly Sana is everywhere, her scent overpowering the air around her, and Dahyun momentarily loses her trail of thought. 

Sana cutely pouts. “Dubu always comes first. She’s my forever soulmate.” 

Dahyun laughs, but she begins to feel extremely hot. She pins it down to the mixture of alcohol, smoke from the cooking meat, and the warmth of Sana’s arms around her neck.

“Really? You should’ve told me!” Soyeon isn’t taking this seriously. Sana lets go of her neck and takes another sip of her drink.

”Ah, I gave up on that ideal long ago,” Sana slurs sadly. “Dahyun isn’t the type.”

Slightly alarmed, Dahyun grabs her drink and takes a lengthier sip. 

“Wow, you speak nonsensically when you’re drunk Sana,” Dahyun laughs awkwardly. “I would get the wrong idea if I didn’t know you.” 

Soyeon is watching Dahyun with a piqued curiosity that makes her uncomfortable. She feels as if Soyeon had deduced something about her that she doesn't know herself, and the omniscient smirk that the girl bears fills Dahyun with an irrational annoyance. _Who are you to judge me_? Dahyun thinks, even though she is likely reading too much into this. Sana on the other hand, is none the wiser, giggling unabashedly with no awareness of the different energy that has undertaken the room. 

"Please don't get me wrong, please don't get me wrong," Sana shakes her head. "Sorry." And she plants a chaste kiss on Dahyun's cheek. 

Dahyun is used to Sana's kisses (her affection multiplies when alcohol hits her system) but oddly there's a lingering mark on the skin where Sana leaves her lips. Dahyun is certainly tying all of these feelings to the alcohol. So, she laughs, maybe too brightly, because even the hysterically drunk Sana gives her a look. Soyeon raises her eyebrows and drinks more. 

"This is twice, huh?" Soyeon comments. "Amazing."

Dahyun frowns, immediately jumping on the defensive. "What do you mean?" She sharply retorts. 

"Nothing bad. It's just warming to see that you're so close." Soyeon says, and Dahyun feels guilty, because there is no malice in the other girl's tone in the slightest. 

Embarrassed, Dahyun looks at her phone screen. "I better get going. It's getting late." 

Both Soyeon and Sana are surprised at this sudden announcement. Sana seems to sober up a little bit, and she pulls out her own phone. "No, no. We'll go back to mine together. I'll message my driver." 

Dahyun wants to protest, but she doesn't, in fear of coming across as more fiery than she is sure she already has. This is so unlike herself, even in a drunken state. She is being rude.

Soyeon pulls out her phone too.

"Okay. I'll get my driver to come too." She says. 

"No!" Sana indignantly states, her hand shooting out to cover Soyeon's phone. "You're coming back to mine. It's safer if we just all leave together." But there's another look in Sana's devilish eyes, something darker. Soyeon grins. 

Dahyun doesn't understand that logic, but she does understand that look. Why is she here?

The drive to Sana's is devoid of dialogue. Sana sits perched in-between Dahyun and Soyeon. Every now and then, Dahyun's peripheral catches Soyeon leaning in to whisper something in Sana's ear, which causes Sana to go all shy and giggly. When Dahyun sees Soyeon's hand rest itself on Sana's thigh, she decides that staring completely out of the window is perhaps the best course of action for this journey. 

Back at Sana's, Dahyun goes straight to the bathroom to clean up. She is finally feeling the effects of exhaustion, and wants nothing more than to curl up on Sana's comfortable recliner and nap. When she finishes, she exits, noting that neither Sana nor Soyeon are anywhere to be seen. Sana's place is cosy and expansive, so Dahyun wonders if the are also cleaning up in the guest bathroom. She travels to Sana's bedroom to grab some nightwear, and that's when she hears it. It's faint at first, easily mistaken as hushed murmurs, but the closer Dahyun presses her ear to the door, the more the murmurs transform into moans.

Dahyun very nearly collapses. She shoots back from the door and runs back to the living room, startled and nauseated. 

Inevitably, she starts to envision exactly what was going on in that bedroom, and the images plague her mind as she tries to sleep, and then plague her dreams. 

She makes a vow never to drink again. 


	2. Don't stop now

When Dahyun awakens the following morning, Soyeon is gone. 

Sana is making eggs, and the smell invades Dahyun's nostrils comfortingly. She stretches and rises from her place on the recliner, surprisingly energised and lively considering the volume of alcohol she had consumed the previous night. Also considering the fact that she'd almost walked in on Sana having sex. So yes, Dahyun is surprisingly chipper. She decides that pretending 80 percent of that night didn't happen is the most probable way to cope, and so mentally makes a note _not_ to mention anything to Sana. 

"Good morning!" Dahyun sings as she enters the kitchen, where Sana's back is to her. 

Sana jumps at the noise, and then turns to flash her a smile. Dahyun has always envied how effortlessly beautiful Sana looks in the mornings, and how much Dahyun looks like a literal pufferfish in comparison. The nagging voice at the back of her reminds that this is Sana's _after sex glow,_ but Dahyun shuts that voice up. 

"Morning honey," Sana says, dishing the eggs onto serving platters. "Hungry?"

"Absolutely."

Breakfast is held in silence for the most part. Dahyun wolfs down the eggs like its her first proper meal in months, and Sana watches her in amusement. When Dahyun finally realises that she is being observed, she slows down. Truthfully, moments like this remind her of their younger selves. Sana cooking eggs for everyone and Dahyun eagerly eating up, praising Sana for her cooking. Well, Sana isn't the best cook. But she makes the best eggs that Dahyun has ever had the fortune of tasting. And Dahyun thinks cooking for other people is the most intimate way of showing them your love. It's a _Here is something I put my heart into, enjoy_ type gesture. 

"Thank you for agreeing to come last night." Sana suddenly says. 

Last night. Dahyun searches Sana for any sign of discomfort or regret, and finds none. This means one of two things: 1) Sana doesn’t remember anything that happened last night or 2) She is pretending not to remember because she doesn’t think it was a big deal. Either way, Dahyun is glad that she won’t have to talk how odd the entire evening was.

“I’m not third wheeling for you ever again. Just so you know. That was the last time.” Dahyun says, mouth filled with eggs.

Sana laughs an airy laugh and reaches out to close Dahyun’s open jaw with her index finger, but Dahyun visibly flinches away from the touch. Regret seeps through her when she sees concern line Sana’s features. Sana has an extremely expressive face, and it makes reading her an easy task. 

But evidently, Dahyun is not going a great job at acting like nothing is up. 

“Everything okay?” Sana asks, head cocked to the side.

Dahyun clears her throat, grabs her glass of water and finishes it with one extensive gulp. Sana pulls a face at her friend’s outlandish behaviour. “Yup.” Dahyun breathes. “When did Soyeon leave?” 

Sana tentatively takes a sip from her tea. She seems distracted. “Oh, a few hours ago.” 

Dahyun regrets not seeing Soyeon before she left, and apologising for her abrasive behaviour the night prior. Maybe she is overthinking it, but she can’t help but worry that she has made the literal _worst_ first impression on who could be Sana’s next partner. She also can’t help but fear that Soyeon will go to the (G)I-DLE members, many of whom Dahyun is friendly with, and express how rude ‘ _Kim Dahyun really is when she's drunk_ ’. The thought makes her feel even worse, and she remembers why she isn’t an avid drinker like the some of the other girls. 

”Right. So... have you made things official yet?” Dahyun queries. After all, she now knows that the two are having sex, and whilst sex doesn’t immediately equate to exclusivity, it may very well be that Sana and Soyeon are girlfriends.

 _Girl_ friends. Still hard for Dahyun to completely wrap her head around. 

Sana covers her face. “God, why do I feel like I’m a teenager again?” She groans, causing Dahyun to laugh. Admittedly, the entire conversation felt very pubescent. “No. We’re just testing the waters at the moment. Seeing how things go.” 

The sheer relief that Dahyun feels at that moment is immeasurable.

As much as she thinks Jeon Soyeon is cool, beautiful and funny, she simply cannot see her and Sana meshing well together in the long run. Like, she figures Soyeon may grow weary of Sana’s infectious energy. Or, she would find it weird that Sana likes to colour coordinate her snacks when packing them into her cabinets. Or, Soyeon would find Sana’s ‘all or nothing’ approach too much. What if Soyeon has an issue with all the things that Dahyun loves about Sana? Then there’s the all too inevitable scheduling differences. The same reason Bogum and Sana broke up. The difficulty in balancing the huge demands of a job of their nature and time for things like love. It's a fragile equilibrium that takes dedication, effort and quite frankly, real love to navigate. 

So yeah, maybe it’s a good thing that they haven’t rushed into a labelled relationship yet.

Dahyun is happy with that. 

“Good.” 

“Good?” Sana frowns slightly. 

“Yes. It’s good that you’re taking it slow. Often we can get carried away in the feeling of the moment, but later on down the line the novelty wears off and it's too late, you’re already committed.” Dahyun saves, spouting the first thing that comes to her mind. She internally praises herself for her response. 

Unfortunately, Sana seems to find it hilarious. “I guess this kind of sentiment makes sense from miss ‘ _I’m not picky, I’m particula_ r’. When was the last time you dated, Dahyun? When was the last time you _had_ a moment?”   
  
Despite the fact that Sana is clearly joking, Dahyun is hurt. She is a little sick of being teased by all of her members for having the longest dry spell, even though they are doing it in jest. So what if Dahyun isn’t interested in the handsome men that try to court her? Handsomeness no longer appeals to her. She sees handsome men day in and day out, their physicality has lessened from an attractive attribute to a common denominator, like having eyes or ears. She wants more. Understanding, inherent kindness, unashamed affection. She wants someone gentler, softer. Someone to build a family with. Her members would say this makes her an old soul, but she just think this makes her discerning. 

But still, Sana’s comments affect her. They shouldn’t, but they do. 

“I’ll go on a date then shall I?” Dahyun impetuously grabs her phone and opens up her messages, clicking on one of the many unread ones. “Kim Mingyu asked me out last week. I’ll respond to him now. We already share a last name, right?”

Sana is quite startled at Dahyun’s suddenness, but she silently observes as the younger woman messages the man back. When the message is sent, Dahyun triumphantly leans back in her chair and grins. Sana frowns deeply, looking at her in that serious manner that always makes Dahyun feel bare. 

"If you’re doing all of this to prove a point-" 

Dahyun feels like she is. 

"No no. I’m doing this because I want to. I can’t wait.” 

* * *

Turns out, Dahyun _can_ wait.

The date with Mingyu is the farthest from romantic that she has ever experienced in her life, such that Dahyun has to literally remind herself that this is a date and not a get together with one of the boys, like when she goes out with the members of stray kids. He’s kind, and caring, and hilarious, and gives Dahyun his jacket when she shudders, but God she feels zero connection. When the ‘date’ ends, he leans in all suave and manly and handsome and kisses her on the cheek, but his lips are cold and the kiss feels robotic. It is the polar opposite of the sweet warmth of Sana’s lips. There's no lingering feeling. 

She shouldn’t even be thinking about that. Not now. It’s hard not to, though.

Dahyun feels lame. She did all of this for what? To prove that she is capable of dating? Everyone already knows that. Maybe she wanted to prove something to herself. Whatever it was that she wanted to prove, she hasn’t done it. She feels even more confused than before. She hugs Mingyu tight before they depart, as if the hardness of his chest and the strength of his arms will envelop her entirely, forcing butterflies and love through her system and making her like him more. It doesn't. And then Dahyun spots some fans peeking through the shrubbery and snapping pictures, and she pulls back with a promise to call Mingyu when she gets home. 

She gets home to fifteen messages and five missed calls, all from the girls who are eager to know how the date went. Dahyun goes to the groupchat and thumbs a response. 

**Dubu:** **Was great. He's so sweet!!!!!!**

The girls all send a flurry of heart emojis and express how happy they are for Dahyun, all except Sana. 

Dahyun was hoping for a message from her. 

* * *

The pictures of her embracing Mingyu go online a day later.

JYPE shuts down the allegations that they are dating with a statement insisting they are just friends, which Dahyun corroborates on her personal instagram. It's settled, at least for now, but that doesn't stop her friends from commenting on how intimate the hug appears. Dahyun doesn't blame them. If she were to look at the photo objectively, she would assume it's a lovers embrace, deeply wound. 

Dahyun isn't the kind of person to lead anyone on, so she messages an understanding Mingyu to reinstate that they cannot become a thing. He is kind and lovely and it makes Dahyun hate herself more. 

The next time she sees the girls it’s during a scheduled photo shoot. Dahyun avoids one-on-one interaction with Sana, worried that she’ll start asking questions about Mingyu and her intentions behind meeting him. This doesn’t work, however, because Sana pulls her aside straight after they wrap up.

She crosses her arms over her chest, stern and concerned. Still in the makeup from photoshoot, she looks ethereal. Dahyun acts naive, as if she doesn't know what Sana is about to say, even though she does. 

"What the hell is going on?" Sana asks. 

"What are you talking about?" 

"You've been acting so weird ever since we went out with Soyeon. So weird. All of this... Mingyu shit, you're not being yourself." Sana stresses. She is quite scary when she isn't smiling or being cute, and Dahyun looks away to avoid eye contact. 

"So am I not allowed to date? Why is it weird that I _put myself out there_? Didn't you say that's what I need to do?" Dahyun bites back. 

Sana pulls a perplexed face. "This is exactly what I mean! Dahyun, you're an adult. You don't have to prove yourself to _anybody_. I'm sorry if I upset you by making fun of your abstinence but you know I don't judge you or think of you as less because you aren't in a relationship. I don't know if this has anything to do with me being with a woman right now but-"

"Why would it have anything to do with you being with women?" Dahyun confusedly asks.

Sana sighs and puts her palm on her forehead, eyes closed. "I don't fucking know, maybe you think I’m acting all high and mighty because I'm exploring or... I don't know. You don't like it when I touch you anymore and I feel like we've drifted a little since... I didn't want it to be a big deal, you know?" 

Dahyun realises that Sana is blaming herself for everything at this point, understandably so. All of this started when Sana confessed that she’d been sleeping with a woman. Dahyun starts to think maybe she has been acting a little off unintentionally. 

"You’re right. It's not a big deal at all. I'm sorry Sana. Really." Dahyun apologises, and she sees that Sana is holding back tears. They haven’t really fought in a while. While this doesn’t necessarily qualify as a fight, it's a disagreement, and both women can be emotional. Still, Sana smiles at the apology and gently squishes Dahyun's cheeks with her palms before pulling her in for a hug. 

They have hugged countless times before, and Dahyun has always found solace in Sana’s arms. She is warm and soft; soothing all at once. But this hug feels slightly different. Sana strokes Dahyun’s hair and Dahyun buries her face in her neck, the sweet scent that Sana always exudes calming her like a medicinal herb. Everything around them dulls into nothing, and Dahyun feels like they are the only two people on earth. She breathes as Sana breathes, moves with the rise and fall of her chest and hears the faint _thud thud thud_ of her heartbeat.

Then Sana pulls back and holds the sides of Dahyun’s face, staring deep into her eyes. Dahyun can see why people fall for her so quickly. Those eyes could make anyone feel special and loved. 

”Promise me you’ll stop acting weird?” Sana gently says. 

Dahyun’s eyes flutter down to her mouth as she speaks, watching as her lips form each word. She can only manage a measly nod. Content, Sana flashes a pearly white smile and laughs. 

“Yay! Okay, let’s go. They’re buying us food, and I’m starving.” 

Usually, the prospect of food would be enough to excite Dahyun, but all she can really think about is how fast her heart is beating.

* * *

Dahyun thinks about the hug all day long. Their schedule is particularly packed today, so she doesn't really get space to _breathe_ and truly unpack all that has happened. After the photoshoot, they have a variety show appearance, and it takes everything in her to not act 'weird' towards Sana. She doesn't flinch when Sana rests her head on her shoulder on the journey there, or when Sana interlocks their arms as they enter the venue. She allows it.

Just before they are about to start, the girls are all surprised by a special guest. 

Soyeon and Soojin of (G)I-DLE come knocking on their dressing room door. Dahyun is surprised, and feeling quite awkward, but she masks it well. Sana is ecstatic, but she hides it well too, instead of ravenously hugging her... lover, she bows and is her usual friendly self. The other girls are over the moon, particularly Chaeyoung, who throws a flurry of compliments at both women. Dahyun goes to say hi to Soyeon, wondering if the girl will be cold with her. 

"Dahyun! Have you been well?" Soyeon says, hugging a surprised Dahyun. Dahyun nods and smiles brightly. 

"Yes, I've been well," Dahyun says politely. And then more discreetly. "Sorry about the other night. Alcohol isn't something I indulge in often." 

Soyeon brushes this off as nonsense, saying that she has done far worse drunk. Sana watches the two interact in glee.

"We're just popping by because we were in the same building." Soojin announces. "And Soyeon wanted to see Sana." 

All of the girls protest jokingly at this, whereas Sana has started to laugh loudly. 

"Sana? What about the rest of us?" Nayeon huffs. 

Soyeon blushes a deep pink and shakes her hand frantically. Dahyun watches the scene and her smile starts to falter. There's a prickling feeling in her chest, and she recognises it as jealousy. She thinks she is jealous because admittedly, Soyeon and Sana are cute together, and maybe she wishes she had something similar. Is all of this a product of wanting to be like them? Wanting to experience the thrill of secrecy? Nonetheless, seeing this unravel makes her feel weird. She thought she was past the stage of feeling weird. 

"No no no. I don't know what Soojin unnie is talking about. I wanted to see all of you." Soyeon defends. 

Sana, fanning her face in embarrassment, meets Dahyun's eye. The older girl must have caught the unease in Dahyun's expression, because she leans against her, like she is trying to equally distribute her attention. This only serves to make Dahyun feel worse, because she feels the familiar buzz of warmth at the touch. 

After staying for a couple more minutes, Soojin and Soyeon depart. Chaeyoung manages to get Soyeon's kakaotalk, and it is becoming increasingly apparent that the woman is a Neverland. Dahyun finds it so cute. The other members are enamoured by Soyeon's charms, and Sana eats up her praise like a proud girlfriend. Still, she occasionally glances at Dahyun.

At the end of the eventful day, the girls are about to go their separate ways when Sana pulls Dahyun aside yet again. This time, she isn't concerned. There’s a thoughtfulness to her expression. 

"Do you think I should tell the other girls about Soyeon?" Sana asks. 

Dahyun shrugs. "Yeah. They won't care, if that's what you're worried about. Why, is it- is it getting serious?" 

Dahyun resents just how much Sana knows her. She is probably the most observant person she knows, always picking up on the slightest shift in mood, or expression. Sometimes Dahyun wishes she could be a stranger, an unreadable statue. At least then, Sana wouldn’t be looking right through her pretence now, as if she can read her mind. 

Sana closes her eyes and sighs. 

"Oh," She breathes, seemingly having an internal battle with herself. "No. We're still taking it day by day... Why do you ask?" 

Dahyun shrugs again. She feels very hot. Her face is burning. "I just thought- maybe you wanted to tell the girls because you are exclusive." She lies.

Sana nods once. She has rolled her lips into her mouth, and is regarding Dahyun with a certain... look. One that makes Dahyun feel weak at the knees.

"Okay. Well, we're not." Sana clarifies. 

"Okay, cool."

There's a brief moment of silence. Dahyun stares at the ground. 

Sana smiles sadly. "You'll always come first. Never forget that. Forever."

Sana kisses her cheek again and leaves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> One more chapter to go, or two chapters if I feel like the length bothers me. Stay tuned!  
> Thanks for the comments, really makes me :D.


	3. Let's talk, please

Sana tells the members over text. 

As expected, they're all accepting. Jihyo, as a leader, makes sure to reiterate that Sana has to be especially careful. 

Still, perhaps what Sana doesn't anticipate is just how much the members make jokes about her and Soyeon. When Jihyo sprains her hand at the gym, she saunters into the office the next day, wiggles her bandaged hand and says "If this happens to Soyeon it would be the end of the world, wouldn't it?" to a taken aback Sana. She is speechless at the time, but the jokes and teasing that come along with her confession act as a reminder that the girls love her all the same. Really, it's comforting. 

On the other hand, all Dahyun has been doing is reflecting. Struggling to make sense of herself, she figures that having a second opinion may help provide some clarity. Two heads are better than one or whatever that platitude is. A second person may at least assure her that she isn't going crazy. And she can think of none other than Nayeon, who is the beacon of good advice. (Granted, this is the same Nayeon who advised Dahyun to just _cut it all off, go bald!_ when she asked what colour to dye her hair next but aside from that one incident she trusts Nayeon's judgement.) 

The pair of them sit in a coffee shop now, Dahyun with her ginger and lemon tea, and Nayeon with an iced latte. Dahyun chooses this coffee shop because it's located in the quieter side of Hongdae. Also because the owners are a young lesbian couple who agree to close the shop to visitors so that both girls can have privacy for a few hours. The sort of cafe that people come to to take aesthetic photos, Dahyun adores how tranquil the atmosphere is. 

For the first hour, Dahyun allows Nayeon to talk. Im Nayeon likes to gossip, likes to dish all the dirt on what's happening in their world, and while Dahyun isn't the same, she knows that sometimes her friend just needs someone to listen. So she lets her talk, about who is dating who, what she had for lunch the day prior, why she hates a certain song on their album, her solo project. Everything.

"--And that's why I think he'll propose. Anyway, enough about me, what's going on in your life? I heard the thing with Mingyu is over, yes?" 

Dahyun fiddles with the intricately designed origami napkin swan on the table, then feels bad when it comes apart entirely. "Mmm. That's over."

"Sad about it or no?" 

"Not really. I think I dated him to prove a point. To Sana." Dahyun admits sheepishly. She still feels guilty about using Mingyu for her own personal gain, and wishes she could go back in time so that she never went on a date with him in the first place. 

Nayeon raises her eyebrows. "Why _?"_

"That's why I wanted to speak with you." Dahyun inhales, preparing to say what has been accumulating in her mind for weeks and weeks. "You know how Sana and everyone joke about me not dating and whatnot..."

"Yes, but we don't mean it. Is that why you went on a date with him? That's unusually immature of you." 

Dahyun feels scolded.

"I know. I was being impetuous and... I guess if I'm being really honest, I've felt weird around Sana since she told me that she is interested in women." Verbalising it lifts a massive weight off her shoulders. Nayeon nods slowly, the cogs turning in her head as she tries to find the words to help. 

"Do you feel uncomfortable around her? Like she's going to make a move on you?" 

Dahyun shakes her head. She likes to think she isn't so conceited that she assumes Sana wants to sleep with her just because she happens to like other women. She's aware of that stereotype. Besides, Sana doesn't see her that way. She is with Soyeon, after all. 

"It's not that," Dahyun looks up to think. "I suppose I feel like I have to get to know this... new version of her."

"You're worried that you don't know her at all."

Dahyun hums agreement. "And... her being with Soyeon... I get jealous. I feel like I'm losing my bestfriend and it's completely out of my control."

"You do know you'll never 'lose' her, right? She could get married tomorrow and still think of you as a priority. You're her best friend, but she's also an adult with her own life." Nayeon reminds.

"It's not that I feel like I _own_ her at all," Dahyun clarifies. "It's- how do I put this? Sometimes I want to be Soyeon. Do you know what I'm saying? I think she's the luckiest woman on earth."

When the words come out, Dahyun nearly grimaces. She is just speaking her mind, unsure of whether or not her ramblings make sense. Nayeon seems to understand entirely now, and she gives Dahyun a gentle smile. 

"I think I understand." Nayeon swirls her straw around in her iced latte. "You want to be Soyeon because you want Sana to regard you as a lover."

Dahyun's eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. Is that what she is saying? "I don't think- I'm not sure if that's why. Like you said, she is my best friend." She desperately says, trying to grapple at straws to find an alternate explanation despite knowing that deep down this is true. The truth feels ugly somehow. Like a bitter taste in her mouth, an amalgamation of everything she has repressed and ignored. 

Nayeon nods. "We can't control this sort of thing, Dahyun. Sometimes it blindsides us. I want you to think about it seriously. If you want to be Soyeon, who is Sana's partner, it's because you crave a romantic connection to her. You want something deeper than the friendship you already have. It's difficult for you to conceptualise because you've always thought of yourself as someone who only likes men. You've been well and truly blindsided." Sympathy seeps through Nayeon's words. 

Dahyun sighs and rubs her forehead. "Why so suddenly though? When I’ve had all these years?” 

"There's not a specific timeline that our self discovery has to follow. Alot of the time when we’ve grown accustomed to someone or something, we need a little... nudge. I reckon Sana telling you she likes women was the nudge you needed to step out of your subjective reality for a moment and finally consider the possibility of something more."

The tea in front of her has gotten cold at this point, untouched. Dahyun tries to filter through her thoughts, unpicking and analysing every single moment spent with Sana.

Nayeon laughs at the intense focus from the younger woman. "What are you thinking?"

"That I wished I stayed in my subjective reality." Dahyun sheepishly admits. "What do I do?”

“Whatever feels right.”

"I don't want to lose her as a friend."

"You won't"

"She's with someone."

"Exactly."

“I don't even know if I can be with a woman."

Nayeon crosses her arms over her chest, staring long and hard at Dahyun. "You're a beautiful, smart, funny and talented woman. Sana may be unavailable right now, but _you're_ not. Explore, Dahyun. And not because you want to prove something to _us_. Explore because we're not getting any younger and the only way to know if you can be with a woman is to actually _be_ with a woman and see if it's for you."

Dahyun ponders on this. The fact that she isn't completely opposed to the idea pretty much tells her everything she needs to know about the gray area that is her sexuality. Even if she did suddenly grow balls of steel and tell Sana everything that has been transpiring in her mind, Sana wouldn't feel the same way. It would be a waste of emotional energy. 

"I wouldn't even know where to start." She admits. 

"You'll figure it out eventually." Nayeon assures, before winking at her friend suggestively. "And if you ever want to be shown a _real_ good time, you know where to find me. I'm straight but I'll rock your world like no other." 

Dahyun slaps her friend across the table, laughing at her crudeness. Nonetheless, she feels a weird comfort and acceptance. 

"Thank you for hearing me out. I feel less like a crazy woman and more like a crazy woman with her shit somewhat figured out." 

"Anytime my love. Anytime." 

* * *

Turns out, just 'finding' women to explore with isn't an easy task. Dahyun doesn't know how Sana does it, how she knows who likes girls and who doesn't, or if she knows at all. She wants to steer clear or idols or any celebrities, not wanting to end up in any situations that go into potentially dangerous territory. It's so much easier with men. They are always there, there's always _someone_ to message or flirt with. Women are uncharted waters. Dahyun lacks the courage to be forward with them, even the ones she finds pretty. She starts to give up, thinking that this isn't worth the emotional turbulence. 

That is, until she meets Kwon Jooyeon. 

Dahyun has known of Jooyeon for years, mainly because of her association with their sister group, Itzy. A talented stylist, Jooyeon is the type of beautiful that means she is readily mistaken for an idol. 'The ominous sixth member of Itzy'. Dahyun is relatively sure that is how she first got to know of her, the stray kids boys gushing over how much they wanted Jooyeon to be _their_ stylist instead, showing Dahyun pictures of the woman and being annoyingly dramatic and boyish. 

It's when Dahyun and Jooyeon pass each other in the JYPE building, and Dahyun bows respectfully, that she notices a hint of something more in the stylist's expression. They look at each other for a _second_ too long, and Dahyun doesn't miss the pink that dusts Jooyeon's cheeks. As they go their separate ways, Dahyun thinks and thinks and thinks. She doesn't want to miss the opportunity. So she turns, running to catch up with Jooyeon and boldly asking for the exchange of details. The overjoyed look on Jooyeon's face says it all. It's the single scariest thing that Dahyun has ever done in her life, and one of the most rewarding. 

At first, Dahyun isn't particularly sure what to say. This is all new to her. She doesn't know whether to spark up their digital conversation with a ' _hi_ ' or a ' _hey_ ', or a ' _how are you_?'. All trivial concerns, but valid. Luckily, Jooyeon seems to have more experience, because the very first text she receives from the stylist is a " _Did you get my number because you want a new stylist or because you think I'm pretty_?" And Dahyun is relieved because she takes that as a greenlight to continue flirting. And they flirt, and get to know each other, every single day. Dahyun doesn't quite know what to call this feeling. It's a new kind of excitement, the thrill of the unknown, and every time the two text, she envisions Jooyeon's beautiful face lighting up, and it makes her happy. Of course, Dahyun makes sure to set her intentions from the start. That she isn't looking for anything serious, that she just wants to explore. Jooyeon is understanding and surprisingly eager, which Dahyun appreciates.

As for Sana, well, Dahyun hasn't seen much of her. Their promotions are officially over and they finally get a period of rest and relaxation. Inevitably that means the girls go off on vacations with friends and boyfriends. Sana is apparently in the Maldives with Soyeon. When Dahyun found this out, she can't deny that she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. As much as Sana insists they are not getting serious, a couple's vacation does seem _rather_ serious to her. Still, Dahyun is glad that she has had a few weeks away from the girl. She misses her bestfriend, but she does not miss the other feelings that come with that. And not seeing her everyday has helped her to regulate these conflicting emotions more healthily. She is learning to separate how she feels about Sana as a friend to how she feels about Sana as more than a friend. The distinction helps with the confusion. A little. 

Dahyun doesn't know when Jooyeon starts to sleep over, but it's a natural development. They have their first kiss on Dahyun's couch, while watching _I saw the devil._ It's sweet and nice, and all Dahyun can really say about it is that she likes it. From then, Jooyeon comes over more regularly. They don't do anything other than makeout and watch scary movies, but it's the closest that Dahyun has gotten to something like dating in a long time. She's grateful to Jooyeon for her patience and kindness. 

"I'm the first girl you've been with, aren't I?" Jooyeon murmurs one time, as they're cuddling on Dahyun's bed. 

Dahyun mumbles a 'yes'. She's tired and being intertwined with Jooyeon only makes her sleepier. 

"I won't be the last. I've accepted that." Jooyeon says quietly. 

Dahyun snuggles closer into her embrace. She isn't really listening, slowly drifting off. 

Jooyeon runs her hands over Dahyun's back. "I hope whoever it is that has your heart right now realises how lucky they are." 

But Dahyun has already been taken in the jaws of sleep, and so she doesn't hear Jooyeon's gentle voice speak. 

* * *

The morning after, Dahyun is awoken by a phone call. Jooyeon is sleeping soundly by her side, and she quickly silences the ringer, wanting not to disturb the other girl. When she checks who is calling, she sees that it is none other than Sana. Reluctantly, Dahyun picks up, covering her mouth. 

"Hello?" Dahyun whispers. 

Sana's loud voice almost startles her. "Hey honey. Guess who's back in Korea?" She chirps. 

Dahyun frowns. She completely forgot that Sana was coming back today. She doesn't even want to think about how good Sana probably looks now, fresh tanned skin, the glow of being somewhere tropical and sunny. 

"You?"

"Me!"

"I'm glad you arrived safely."

"Why are you whispering?"

Dahyun casts her eyes down to a blissfully peaceful Jooyeon, asleep, and she wonders what to say next. 

"It's just early, Sana. It's 5 AM." She speaks lowly. 

She can picture Sana pouting. 

"Well, good thing I know just the thing to wake you up."

"I'm trying to give up caffeine." Dahyun sighs, guessing Sana is going to propose a coffee date. 

Instead, she hears Sana snicker. "No no. Think again."

"Can we not play guessing games-"

"I'm outside! Surprise! Oh, and I come bearing gifts." Sana says, unreasonably excited for the time in the morning.

Dahyun's eyes widen. She glances again at Jooyeon, and wonders just exactly what she is going to say. It is not unlike Sana to show up at her place unannounced, but this particular occasion, she wishes she hadn't. How exactly was she supposed to explain Jooyeon to Sana? _Hey, I know you think i'm straight, but this is my friend that I makeout with, and we started dating_ _because I may see you romantically and I wanted to see if I could be with a woman._ No, she can't say that. It sounds ridiculous even in her own head. 

"I'm- Now's not the best time actually." Dahyun quietly says. 

She hears Sana huff impatiently. "Nonsense. Just open the door, I need a glass of water and my feet hurt." 

Dahyun closes her eyes. "No, it's- It's _really_ not the best time."

There's an excruciating silence, a silence that means Sana is putting the pieces together one by one, and Dahyun waits with baited breath, wanting her to say something, _anything._ She can't stand it. 

"Are you with someone right now?” Sana's voice is small. 

"Yes. Well, no not in that w- yes someone is here. But we can--"

"No. It's cool. I‘ll come by later."

It's remarkable just how quickly the enthusiasm has dropped from Sana's tone. 

Dahyun rubs her eyes. "I'll tell you what. You can come in, drop off the gifts and I'll grab you a glass of water. How does that sound?" Dahyun shouldn't feel _bad,_ but she does. She figures that as long as she can leave the bedroom without waking up Jooyeon, Sana won't have to know exactly who has stayed over. 

"I don't want to be bothersome." 

"You're not. We just have to be quiet, that's all." 

Sana eventually agrees, and Dahyun manages to slip off the bed without alerting Jooyeon (With remarkable effort). She gently treads out of the bedroom, closing the door as softly as she can, and wincing when the sound of it locking in place resounds. Still, she hears minimal movement. Mission successful. 

When she opens the front door, Sana is stood there holding multiple bags. As Dahyun presumed, sana is glowing, fresh faced, stunning. Beautiful. The older girl smiles at Dahyun, but it doesn't reach her eyes. Neither girl knows what to do, and it has to be at least thirty seconds before it registers that they are just staring at each other, before Dahyun finally hugs Sana. She keeps it brief, not wanting to wallow, because unwelcome, old feelings are already creeping in like goosebumps over her skin. 

"I missed you." Sana sighs. Dahyun's heart flutters. Regardless of how she feels about Sana, she is still her bestfriend, and she has missed her tremendously. She can't deny that. 

"I missed you too."

Dahyun beckons Sana in, gesturing for her to keep her voice down. 

"How was the Maldives?" She asks, a formality. 

Sana is distracted. Her eyes keep darting around the home, as if waiting for the mysterious person to emerge out of nowhere. 

"What? Oh, good." And then she looks at Dahyun with a guarded expression on her face. "So who is he?"

Dahyun is taken aback. Maybe it's the _he_ that she finds disconcerting, but she shouldn't, because why on earth would Sana think otherwise? It is not often that she is at a loss for words, but she genuinely doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know why she is so reluctant to disclose who is sleeping in her bed. Sana probably wouldn't care, or maybe she would, maybe she'd think Dahyun is trying to _copy_ her or even worse, _lie_ to her. 

"It's not like that." Dahyun insists. 

Sana conceals a laugh, in disbelief. "So you just happen to have a man sleeping over? Don't humour me, you don't have to be all secretive about it, who is he? Mingyu?" 

Blinking rapidly, Dahyun swallows and goes to the faucet, pouring Sana a glass of water. Sana trails closely behind. 

"Please keep it down." Dahyun mumbles, glancing in the direction of her bedroom and handing Sana her drink. 

Taking the glass of water and washing it down, Sana eyes Dahyun piercingly. "I don't see why you can't just tell me. You're being unnecessarily secretive."

"It's none of your business, that's why. I don't go around asking questions about who you are sleeping with, do I?" Dahyun snaps. The regrettably harsh words spill from her mouth before she can stop them. Sana looks deflated for a second, but the hurt quickly becomes replaced with irritation. Scary, silent irritation that makes Dahyun feel like she is going to be reprimanded by a senior. 

"That was uncalled for." Sana says loudly, and Dahyun frantically places her finger to her lips, but Sana is having none of it. "No. I don't give a fuck if your boyfriend hears me. I'm _sorry_ for being interested in my bestfriends life, but I don't deserve the rudeness. Not when _you_ were the first person I came to when I got back. Not when I've been looking forward to seeing you." 

Feeling like an asshole, Dahyun scratches the back of her neck, a nervous habit she has. "I'm just on edge." She admits. It's true, she is on edge. Tremendously. "I'm sorry." It feels like all she has been doing lately is apologising. She gives Sana an adorable face for good measure. 

Neither of them can stay angry at each other for long. They are the opposite ends of a magnet, pulled to one another even when there seems to be resistance. Sana visibly softens "You're so annoyingly cute," She sighs. "I'm sorry too. The jet lag is making me particularly irritable. I need to sleep." 

Dahyun smiles widely at Sana. "I want to hear all about the Maldives." 

Sana pulls out her phone, moving closer to Dahyun. Her body warmth is almost palpable. "Yes! Let me show you where we stayed--"

"Oh! Good morning." Jooyeon.

Both women look up at exactly the same time. Dahyun sees a freshly awoken and slightly alarmed Jooyeon, a polite smile on her face, and feels time stop. She turns to Sana, sees a thousand emotions flash in her face all at once, sees her process what is in front of her, sees _all_ of the conclusions she is jumping to, and Dahyun suddenly wishes she were in the Maldives, and not here, because _here_ is a silence that suspends in the air like a bad smell, and the confusion of two women with whom she cares for. 

Sana turns to Dahyun then, and it's clear what she is saying. ' _wow_ '. Her eyebrows are furrowed, a look of exasperation and something else, _pain._ Yes, hurt is evident in her, and that part confuses Dahyun. 

Dahyun clears her throat. "Good morning Jooyeon. Sana, this is Jooyeon." She attempts to normalise whatever is happening, but it's far from _normal,_ and an oblivious Jooyeon stretches, kindly nodding at Sana. 

"Of course I know you. Hello." Jooyeon says. 

"Hello." Sana is smiling at the girl, but it's fake. It's her idol smile. 

"So what is this then if you don't mind my asking?" Sana points between the two women, her tone flat. Dahyun desperately looks to Jooyeon, as if the woman can help her out of the hole she has dug for herself, but the stylist is simply baffled, unable to decipher why there is tension in the room. 

Sana speaks again after getting no response. "Is no-one going to answer me?" Sana is laughing to herself. "What, is this your girlfriend Kim Dahyun?" 

Dahyun swallows, her throat dry. Sana only ever uses her full name when she is serious. "No, not my girlfriend. Just..." 

Sana raises her brows and nods.

"I see." 

Jooyeon is glancing from Sana to Dahyun, and Dahyun feels bad for how out of place she must seem.   
  
"I'm going to go and... shower." Jooyeon says, smiling tightly at Sana before retreating back into the bedroom. Once she is out of sight, Sana whips around to Dahyun. 

"Don't bullshit me. Who is she?" She asks sternly. 

Dahyun sighs. "She's a stylist. We've been... semi dating for a few weeks now. Nothing serious." 

" _Semi dating_? What even is that?"

 _Aren't you And Soyeon semi dating?_ Dahyun thinks, but she doesn't dare verbalise this. 

”It means we kiss and stuff...” 

"Since when do you- in fact, I'm not even going to ask. It's your life. I just wish... I don't know Dahyun, I wish I'd _known_. All this time... I wish I'd known." Sana is very clearly stressed, and she paces around the kitchen, half talking to Dahyun and half talking to herself. Dahyun watches her bestfriend fret and feels at a loss. 

"I didn't mean to hide anything. It has only been a recent development." 

Sana scoffs. 

"I sometimes wonder if you're actually _this_ oblivious or if you just pretend to be." Sana utters, and resentment takes over her face. Dahyun frowns, unable to pick this apart, which makes her think that maybe she _is_ oblivious. But what is there to be oblivious about? Sana is with Soyeon. Dahyun is (semi) with Jooyeon. Dahyun harbours some feelings for Sana. Sana does not. The story is simple, a clear cut beginning, middle and end, and the end is already pre-determined. 

"Oblivious to what?" She asks anyway. 

Sana covers her face with both of her hands and shakes her head. "I can't with any of this right now. I'm leaving. I need a warm bath." She announces dryly, going to grab her bags. 

Annoyed, Dahyun throws her hands up in the air. 

"No! You can't call me oblivious and then just get upset when I ask for clarification. That's not fair. Why am I oblivious Sana?”

Sana marches up close to Dahyun, pained. Dahyun wants to scream, maybe cry. 

"You're a smart girl. And you know me. Better than most people, sometimes better than myself. And yet, you still can't _see_. Look at me," Sana takes Dahyun's wrists, forcing her gaze to her. They stare at each other, an intensity that Dahyun can barely put into words, like the feeling of being shocked by a strong electrical current, like the feeling of a thousand little steps in the depths of her stomach. Sana's beautiful brown eyes strip Dahyun bare, ripping off layer after layer and leaving her naked. 

"This is _real_ for me. Maybe it isn't for you, but it is for me." Sana whispers. She is so close that her minty breath washes over Dahyun's face. "Find me when you finally understand that."

And then she lets go of Dahyun's arms, grabs her bags and leaves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hueheueuhe one more chapter to go. 
> 
> Last chapter will be a long one. Will probably go up sometime next week/ this week. Stay tuned!


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